Commitment Number 4: Candor
BY ME
I commit to saying what is true for me. I commit to being a person to whom others can express themselves with candor.
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TO ME
I commit to withholding my truth (facts, feelings, things I imagine) and speaking in a way that allows me to try to manipulate an outcome. I commit to not listening to the other person.
Big Idea:
Always speak and listen carefully. It's important to
keep a realistic perspective, and it's impossible to do that alone. You have to
consider other points of view if you want to get a well-rounded picture, and
that means listening to what others say.
It's important to keep in mind, though, that people
often withhold information, not out of malice, but because of things like fear
or shame. This is dangerous, because when you withhold your feelings, you run
the risk of judging others for the problems you're uncomfortable addressing with
them.
For example, if you're upset with a friend because
they cancelled an appointment, and you don't tell them, you'll probably just
pull back and expect them to apologize. And when you withdraw like that, you'll
view your friend through your own judgmental lens. You'll see them as a person
who disrespected you, and think they're disrespectful in general.
Listening consciously is equally important. Leaders
usually don't fully listen to others; they filter their words through their
thoughts, adding their own meaning to them.